Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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