i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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