I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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