My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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