Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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