i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The air taste purple.
Randomize
