i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
