I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
