forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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