How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
