You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
