I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
