when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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