you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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