giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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