Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
