OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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