I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
