the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize