So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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