he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Help me help you realize you are a moron
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
