whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
