its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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