Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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