my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
