I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
