i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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