She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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