she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
