he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
