Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
