I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
