Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
