Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
