hotel room ftw
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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