I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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