I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
