I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
