I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
