my vag is so smooth its legendary
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
