dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
