Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
