Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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