You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
