just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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