He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
