I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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