Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
