just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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