I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
