Whod you bang
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
