the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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