after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
